It sounds like you guys know all the symptoms. The healthcare here is just...well they say we can't be negative in our letters haha, so I'll just say.....it's really different than it is in America. I'm so sorry that this week has been so confusing and hard to get information, but if it makes you feel better, you guys know more than me. I literally am just sitting inside and waiting for news on what in the world will happen. But, Sister Brum did tell me that I'll probably be going home this week. Time is just passing really slowly though, because, well you know how it is when you're sick and don't know why, and its been 2 weeks since I went to the hospital.
BUT, on the spiritual side :) I know that ALL of this has happened the way it did for a reason. I want you to know that God has not left me alone in this process, and I honestly felt that I was going home from the moment I went to the hospital. I just knew it was going to happen, but thought it was super strange, so pushed it away. Well, I never got better, kept praying, and everytime I prayed I felt even stronger that I would go home. Not only that, but that I NEEDED to be there. I think that's honestly been the hardest part. I have known what needs to happen since the beginning, but everything is progressing so slowly. Guys, dont worry about my emotional state. Of course, it's all so fast and it's hard to get everything cut short in such a quick moment. It could be really easy to feel unfinished, but honestly, after all of my praying, this is probably the very first time in my mission where I feel....complete. I feel peace. I feel a steady assurance that I truly didn't leave anything undone, that I gave 100 % and God is proud of me. That I really was and am a great missionary because I have given my whole heart. When I was doubting myself a lot and still super in the dark about what would be my fate, I talked (maybe cried a little) to my sister training leader and told her I was so confused about why I felt I would be going home, but I wasn't getting any answers from doctors or leaders. I doubted if I even knew how to receive answers to prayers anymore. But, the lull was necessary. I had to doubt everything so that I could really put my trust in God's will. My sister training leader stopped me and said ´Let's say a prayer right now and ask God again`....so I did. I asked Him to help me know if I was feeling the right things and to help me know what to do. I told God that I had given all I had to this work and just wanted to do His will. At the end of the prayer, Sis S was crying and told me that the moment I said that I'd given my all, she felt an overwhelming rush of God's love for me. She said, "Sister I haven't known you very long, but I know with a surety that you have given 100% and just know that God has fully accepted all that you have done."
In short, I feel a lot of peace, even though this last transfer has been the loneliest and most confusing at times, it has also been the most uplifting. I have felt an outpouring of love from God and family and fellow missionaries here. I truly have a family of missionaries here and the ward and member that I have come to love have been incredible through all of this. Trials bring us together. In the end, they are always a blessing. I know this. I know that, as my zone leader assured me, God does not leave us to suffer. I trust this and I have chosen to use this time as a blessing, not a trial. I love you all. Apparently I'll be seeing you soon. Hopefully I'll be calling someday. I'm learning a LOT of patience and trying to not be pushy. I know Pres is doing all he can. Wow, well I'll see you on the other side I hope. In the end, we will look back and see how this was all one giant miracle and tender mercy of the Lord. Don't worry....but thank you for worrying. A lot of people don't have so many people praying for them, and it truly makes a difference to know I can come home to open arms.