So, this week has been interesting. Sister B (the companion Tess just left) and her new comp stayed at our house, which was sooooo wonderful. I was already missing her. It was a party every night. I learned a lot this week....as always lol. But really, this week I learned more about my purpose here. My comp is a hypochondriac...literally. We went to the doctor today and they said it was in her head. So we stayed inside a lot this week. President asked me to help her get motivated, and I was wondering how in the world to do it. I prayed every night to be able to love and help her but really felt like our numbers were super low according to standards. I thought, oh great, I am failing. But then, yesterday, after totaling up everything we did, L told me that those were the best numbers she had ever had in the mission, and that she was only able to do it because of my help. Wow, that was a surprise. I realized that, when we are helping people, we can't expect them to improve to our expectations immediately, but we also can't fail to recognize the improvements. In this life, we seldom have situations that are 100 % Fail or Succeed. No, generally everything is a process. We have to be patient with God, ourselves, the people we help, and see the little miracles all along the way. This week, we are going to do even better, and that is all that is important. Its the same for us all. We don't have to be perfect right now. We just need to be improving, and we don't have to do it on our own. Remember that every trial is preparing us for something important in the future. When we have difficulties, it means God trusts us. Sometimes I catch myself wishing for a comp that didn't need to be fixed in some way. I imagine myself running from lesson to lesson with my comp, both of us with smiles always. And if I have a problem, I don't have to be strong because she will take care of me. Then I realize that I already had that....it was my trainer when I was a wee lil babe on the mish. Now its my turn to be the strong one. Why? Because I am capable and because God trusts me. So I will stop complaining about difficult situations and look for the blessings :)
Also, I want to pose a question: Why do you do good things? Really really truly down to the core, what is the motivation?
I have had to really face this question a lot lately, because of something wonderful that happened. Yeah that sounds strange I'm sure, haha, but let me explain. So right now, just about all of my investigators in Jaboticabal got baptized or are getting baptized. Miracles are happening left and right! Alice and her mom, who I taught for almost 5 months, is going to get baptized this Sunday! It's such a miracle. But I have a confession to make. After celebrating the great news, I had a moment of weakness and felt a little jaded. I thought, Why in the world do I always have to leave RIGHT before people get baptized. This happened in Ipiranga as well. Its not fair, I worked with them and cried with them and felt like a failure so many times, and now, nobody will even know that I wasn't just goofing off my whole time in Jabo because its not my baptism anymore.
.....okay, feel free to judge. I know that was totally selfish thoughts, but I'll admit, I couldn't help wondering if I had been doing something wrong and thus wasn't worthy of baptisms. Self doubt is a common thing here on the mish, haha. Then, I quickly chastised myself and asked myself ´`Why am I here? Why am I doing good?´` Is it for the recognition of men? Is it for my own satisfaction or peace of mind? Is it an obligation? Or is it really. really because I want to help people know Christ and find eternal happiness? If it's the last one, it really shouldn't matter who baptizes whom, or who is there to see it. They really don't need to remember their missionary to be changed. They only need to have the face of Christ in their mind. I thought about the people that make huge anonymous donations and probably get criticized at the same time for not giving charity. I thought about the people who dedicate their whole lives to serving others and seldom get thanked and will never appear on the news. I thought about the life of Christ and the one in ten lepers that returned to thank him. I realized that if I am upset, it is because I am serving for the absolute WRONG reason and really need to change. I thought I was totally selfless in my intentions, but turns out I needed some humble pie. So that's my question. Why do we do good? Be really, really honest with yourself because the true joy of service only comes when we are completely motivated by charity, the pure love of Christ. That, my friends, does not require a prize at the end.
I love you all so much. thanks for all you do.
Tell your Brazilian student OBRIGADA amigo. voce é o melhor!
Beijossssss
Hunny
